


How We Came to Be

by Xmarksthespot



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dick and Wally pranks the Justice League, F/M, Gen, HIMYM - Freeform, POV First Person, POV Third Person, YJ version of How I Met Your Mother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1472515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xmarksthespot/pseuds/Xmarksthespot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Kids, have I ever told you the story of the greatest day of my life? It was the day I married your mother. To understand that, we're going to have to go back. Thirty years to be exact. I was thirteen and life was great.</i><br/> </p><p> </p><p>In which Dick Grayson tells his kids how he married their mother, and in the process, explains how he falls in love with every other girl, how he grew up to be a sort of not-brat (not his words), and how their Aunts and Uncles, in one way or another, managed to figure life out. </p><p>(HIMYM knowledge not necessary, but will be referenced.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Italics_ — Future!Dick
> 
> Normal — Past!Dick

_Kids, have I ever told you the story of the greatest day of my life?_

_It was the day I married your mother, on a summer afternoon with our closest friends just by the alleyway in Gotham City before Earth's eleventh threat made by intergalactic aliens._

_Why did we get married by an alleyway? To understand that, we're going to have to go back. Thirty years back to be exact._

_I was thirteen, a superhero, and a student at Gotham Academy. Life was great…_

_Well, it would've been great had your Uncle Wally been a little less…_

 

 

 

"—Rambunctious. Utterly, completely, totally,  _freaking_  annoying!" Artemis screeches.

"You're a little enthusiastic with your adverbs today, Arty-Farty." I hold back a snicker the moment I catch her glaring at me—not that glares faze me. Batman's, no,  _Alfred's_  are the worst. Try getting past his nonexistent heat-ray vision when he hears something fowl from your mouth is like, the most difficult mission I've ever had to face.

I leap from the side of the couch, casually approaching the angry blonde at the dining room table. My hand latches onto the backing of her chair and I reach for one of M'gann's cookies in the centre bowl.

"What do you think you're doing, Robin?"

I toss her a look beneath my sunglasses, and my mouth twists into a smirk. The chair below her squeaks as she pushes herself away from me, but I continue to invade more personal space than necessary.

"Getting a cookie—what else?" I say innocently, tucking my chin into my neck and widening my eyes. It should be a crime to be as adorable as I am. Not that I'd want it to be a crime. Being a criminal under Batman's roof would make things a little difficult.

Artemis frowns. "By  _pressing_  your body against mine?" She is about to push me off and away from her when I flip backwards, one hand supporting me a distance away and the other hand feeding into my mouth. I curl up my legs and continue to watch her.

Darn. There goes tactic number nine. Just how many more tries do I have to go through to get her to realize that  _hey, this delightful, wonderful teammate of mine is also the handsome stud, Dick Grayson_? She doesn't even  _bother_  to try to look pass my sunglasses and see my eyes!

I sway my body from side to side, purposely making my shades tilt just enough. Maybe even slip and fall from my face accidentally. Artemis stares at me conspicuously for a brief moment before turning away again. Jeez, just what did Bruce do to these glasses that make them resistant to falling off? They need to be more  _sistant_.

Come on, Arty, just look down at the circus boy.

She pushes herself up from her seat instead; her hair is still in disarray from whatever it was that Wally did to it. Another science experiment gone wrong, I think, but what experiment has ever gone right for that guy—aside from getting superpowers like a boss.

Artemis rolls her eyes, and I'm still topsy-turvy on the floor. Then she scoffs and turns around.

"Damn boys," I hear her mutter before she escape to the communications room. Probably to go to Gotham, I suspect. Dick Grayson should pay her a visit later. Just for fun.

I sigh, and arch my back so that my legs would meet with the floor again. I finish the rest of M'gann's cookies. They're improving alright, maybe on par with Bruce's cooking, especially with how much he's been trying in the kitchen lately.

And that's when I remember.

Bruce and the kitchen.

Bruce  _in_  the kitchen.

I press my lips together to fight the urge to laugh out loud. Alfred had scolded me this morning for giggling at the flaming tower of pancakes being constructed in the house.

Bruce should be at work right now; he surely won't be able to see me in the mountain. At least, he won't be able to pay attention to the fact that all cameras are off. The holograms on my computer had just been upgraded, so it made hacking  _that_  much more fun. Whatever it is that Bruce was planning—or Batman; can't count out the old man's conspiracy plans—something is off.

Bruce has a bunch of new files on system, but I know those were useless. I saw him make those files. No, he would reconfigure the data he was hiding so that it would seem like it was old news. He may think that he's got the upper hand, but he sometimes forgets—

"I found you," I sing just as I snag open a file hidden in a folder created years ago.

— I'm just that awesome.

It's clearly Justice League related data, and not Wayne Industries. He mentions Clark a few times here and there, and some other Leaguers and civilians involved, but the biggest team up is between him and Giovanni Zatara. I remember him—he used to show Wally and I some magic tricks back when we were kids. He doesn't show up to League meetings often though, not since his wife died. Hey, maybe he's back from his semi-retirement? I should check.

I laugh to myself while I type. Why does Bruce continue to hide information like this from me when it's barely a challenge? He thinks he could hide a folder within a folder and the only thing guarding it is a measly password?

Oh, Bruce.

You've gone soft in your old—

**WARNING. WARNING. WARNING.**

Shi—I stop myself. Alfred's really keen on keeping my mouth clean by having a clean mind.

**WARNING. WARNING. DANGER. DANGER.**

Urgh,  _Bruce_ , why?!

I haphazardly push as many buttons as possible to save my ears. Did it have to yell so loud? Okay, so I hacked into Bruce's files even though he said  _not_ to, but he's  _never_ put a warning label on them. Ever! Wally's  _definitely_  going to be all—

" _Dude_ , what the effing hell?! I told you not to install those freaking speakers into your gauntlet!"

Speak of the devil's redheaded spawn.

"Yeah well, it's not as loud as your girlfriend today, dude. Just  _what_  did you do to her?" I yell back, still trying to shut Bruce's trap up.

Finally, I manage to subdue the alarms coming from my computer. Only now Bruce knows I tried hacking into his files, and I  _still_  have no idea what he's hiding. One day, Bruce. I  _will_  out-hack you.

I turn to Wally who has dropped his arms from shielding his ears. He frowns at me.

"Artemis is  _not_  my girlfriend," he argues (again). "And  _I_  didn't do anything. She just got in the way of my science project!"

I raise an eyebrow—a skill I've mastered since going under Alfred's tutelage. "Are you trying to grow claws or shoot webs to go with your superspeed?" I climb onto the sofa again and Wally opts to sit down on the lounge chair across from me. "Oh, I know! You're brewing a love potion to capture poor Artemis's heart. Tsk, Wally, hasn't Harry Potter taught you anything about love potions?"

Wally looks at me and given his facial expression, I'm either a genius in his mind, or he's wondering why the hell I'm his best friend. I'm betting on the former.

"Actually, I was trying to incorporate lithium hydroxide to—"

 

 

 _Kids, I remember a lot of things from my childhood. I do_ not _remember all of your Uncle Wally's science experiments, so we're just going to skip that part._

 

 

"Fascinating," I tell him, and lean back onto the couch. I'm still fiddling with my computer. Just what in the world is Bruce keeping from me? Is there a new mission where he's disguised as a chef? Maybe he's bringing in another kid from the circus and Alfred's cooking isn't enough.  _Maybe_  he's adopting Conner!

"Dude, why are you smiling?"

I laugh a little, and I  _know_  my uncanny superpower has just sent goose bumps along his arms. Finally, I drop my arm away from my vision, and I turn to him. It's definitely the time of day to kick his butt again in  _Power House 3X_.

Of course, video games weren't what we did every day at the mountain. But with Wally's and Artemis's fight checked off of the list, wondering where M'gann and Conner disappeared off to checked off as well, and waving goodbye to Kaldur before he went off with his fish friends done too, there wasn't much else to do. Unless we spar, that is. But it's no fun when there isn't an audience to watch me pummel KF to the floor.

Ah, tis the sad life of mine indeed.

"Dick?"

I instantly jump from my seat at the sound of my name. Okay, me  _accidentally_  revealing my identity might have been okay, but Wally straight out saying it was  _not_. Bruce is going to have a cow about it, attempt to cook it, and then poison us all with Salmonella.

"Dude!"

Wally shrug and he  _almost_  looks apprehensive about something. He's staring straight down to the carpeted floor. The smile on his face is disposed of, and his hands are vibrating. Clearly not a good sign for our friendly neighbourhood speedster.

"Wally?" I say. "What's up?"

He sighs apathetically again and doesn't say much after.

I roll my eyes. " _Wally_ , if you're not going to say anything—"

"I'm in love with Artemis."

I blink.

Twice.

Thrice.

"Huh," is all I say. I clear my throat after. "Are you sure about that? It might be something you ate, you know."

"No, Dick, I mean it!" Wally exclaims. He jumps from his seat and waves his arms at me. "She's in all of my thoughts, all of my dreams, and I have the urge to just run up to her and hold her in my arms…"

I make a face in disgust. First off, ew. Since when did Wally get so…so…like Clark when he's with Lois? Second of all, called it! I  _knew_  there was something going on with those two. But then again, so did everyone else, so I guess that's not entirely special. Third…well, seriously? Wally's my best man and everything, but I live with  _Bruce_. There is no way I could actually give him some sort of advice that will make sense and won't earn him a slap in the face.

Oh. Wait. That sounds kind of fun, actually, but he's as much as my right-hand man as I am his, and so I shall put forth my duties despite the ridiculous pranks I want him to fall to.

"Well, well, Wallace. I'm assuming you need some advice from the  _actual_  ladies' man," I tell him, popping the collar of my shirt up.

 

 

_I'm going to be honest with you. Up until that point, there were only three girls in my life I considered my friends. Two of which were on my team. So I technically wasn't a ladies man, but with TV those days highlighting every tidbit detail, and my tendency to lie about everything in my life to anyone I knew, I was, in fact, a Ladies' Man—to Gotham, and to Wally._

_I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but boy, was it fun to watch your Uncle Wally worship my romancing skills while he was having trouble with his own girl._

 

 

"Uh, please?"

I'm not used to giving dating advice, though in the rare moments that Wally had asked me to give him some, I usually just provided him with basic logic that he failed to see, and advised him to do the opposite of what Bruce did. It often worked. I mean, I got him that date last year for his school dance (and if he  _hadn't_  messed that up, I'm sure they could've worked for a while longer).

Gods, I hope he doesn't mess up with Artemis. It would suck to be caught in the middle of those two even more than all of us are now.

But before I could say anything, Conner stomps into the room looking mighty pissed.

"Supes,  _perfect_  timing!" I say, and then cock my head to the side, finding the perfect sore spot for him to get him to explain his situation. "Where's M'gann?"

He chooses to sit backwards on one of the dining room chairs with his legs around the seat's backing and then crosses his arms in a typical moody, Conner-like fashion.

"She's with Kaldur learning about the ocean," he mutters just loud enough for us to hear; the jealousy that lined his words is as obvious as the sky was blue, as the grass was green, and as Wally and Artemis have unresolved sexual tension.

I couldn't blame him for being jealous. He doesn't know Kaldur like we do, and technically, Supes is new to the emotion thing. I mean, at that point, we all know he's got anger down. He's got an inferiority complex too. And that gross, cutesy love thing that has Clark pinned by Lois and Wally by Artemis. It had only been a matter of time before those feelings came together, made a baby and resulted in what is a jealous Kryptonian-Human hybrid.

"Nah, bro, you have nothing to worry about," Wally insists. "Kaldur's cool."

Conner mumbles an okay, but still looks pretty down, so I took it as my cue.

"Hey, Supes, speaking of girlfriends," I start, and I could see Wally waving his arms frantically at me in the corner of my eyes. "Kid Quick here just realized he's in love with Artemis."

"Dude, don't be such a dick!"

I roll my eyes.

"Knew it."

Wally drops his arms and stares at Conner, dumbfounded. " _You_  knew? Who else knows?"

"Everyone but Artemis, I think."

"So uh…any advice?"

Conner and I stay silent for the better part of the conversation, and while I'm trying to figure out what to say to Bruce when I come home in about…oh, half an hour, and explain why I was hacking into his files and disobeying his commands, Conner is actually trying to come up with advice for Wally.

"…Teach her everything you know about the aquatic ecosystem so Kaldur doesn't have to."

Okay, so he needs to work on his advice giving too, but it's something. I suggest after he tried to teach Artemis something new, not specifically about the ocean, but it's obvious that the first thing they need to work on was the ability to  _not_  argue and be civil. Wally takes every suggestion in and for the next hour, we talk like we normally do.

It's cool how Conner is one of the guys now. We even call Roy to invite him over, but he was  _apparently_  at work and then he yelled at us because his boss yelled at him. But it's okay. That's how life is for us.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Until I realize that I was thirty minutes late and Bruce is expecting me back in Gotham. What I didn't know though, was that Bruce had set up that day for me to meet someone. Someone special.

He was on the phone with Zatara by the time I got home, but when I go into the dining room to see if Alfred had cooked up something special, I see  _her_.

Dark hair, mischievous grin and all, curves that made my jaw drop when I'm too young to be noticing such things, and a look that could kill.

She is just standing there, studying the artwork that the Wayne's had up before I was even born, and I couldn't help but stare at her. She has really nice eyes…I think they're blue? No, green. I can't really tell from the lighting. She looks familiar too, like maybe I've seen her in one of Bruce's old files. I didn't even notice Bruce walking into the room.

"Dick, you're home," he says.

"Yeah sorry 'bout being late, B. I lost track of time."

He just smiles at me, and doesn't lecture me surprisingly, but considering there is a guest present, I anticipate that will happen after she leaves— _great_. Instead, he places a hand on my shoulder and faces the person in front of us.

"Actually, your timing's just perfect. I want you to meet someone."

I look straight at the stranger, and she turns to us, smiling slyly at the sight of me and that's when it hit me, where I had saw her before. I had met her a few times when I was younger, and she was also in the files along with Giovani Zatara that I hacked into earlier.

And suddenly, her name pops into my head before Bruce has a chance to even say it.

"Dick, I'd like you to meet…"

 

 

_Kids, there will be a time in your life when you'll meet someone, someone who will be an important part of your life. Someone so spectacular, you just know that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to keep it the way it is, for good or for bad, your life will never be the same again._

 

 

"My girlfriend: Selina Kyle."

 

 

 

_What? This is a long story!_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please no ship wars if you guys decide to follow this story. Even I don't know who Dick's going to end up with yet, but I would hope you guys are open to whomever I choose in the end. I ship him and Babs for a while now, but even she has as much of a chance of being Dick's future wife as any of the other female cast members.  
> :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Italics_ — Future!Dick
> 
> Normal — Past!Dick

_Kids, in the fall of 2010, your Grandpa Bruce introduced me to Selina Kyle, his girlfriend at the time, also known as Catwoman. Of all of Bruce's past girlfriends, she was probably the one I had the hardest time adjusting to._

_You see, every time I wanted to hang out with Bruce, she would be there. Every time I wanted to eat my dinner in peace, she would be there. Every time I brushed my teeth in the morning…Well, you get the point. And with a history like hers, I_ had _to be on the lookout for anything that went missing from the manor, which as you know, was a pretty hard job considering how big the place is._

 _It was_ not _aster at all._

_Anyway, she and I got off to a pretty rough start, or so I like to believe._

 

 

I stand dumbfounded while staring at the couple.

Bruce has never introduced me to any of his girlfriends before. Ever. I mean, there was that one time when we barged into Ra's al Ghul's lair and I caught him and Talia making out in the middle of a warzone, but that was different. That  _thing_  isn't in our dining room. And technically, that was Batman's personal life. This is  _Bruce's_  which cross references with my life pretty easily.

And it's  _Catwoman_.

Seriously Bruce, of all the women you pine after, do they all have to have a base filled with ninja assassins or be one of the biggest criminal records in all of Gotham? What ever happened to your lovesick stage with Diana?

"Well, well," Selina starts and I grimace at the sound of her voice. Oh yeah, someone sounding like that  _would_  be able to capture Bruce Wayne by the tie. "It's nice to officially meet you, little birdie."

Bruce clears his throat at her nickname, and I frown along with him. First,  _no_  superhero names or anything associated with our tights and capes hobby in the daylight. Second, no. Just, no. Catwoman may have a habit of teasing Batman and Robin, but  _no one_  gets to call me that.

"Selina," I say and I feel a bit of venom on the tip of my tongue. "Doing a bit of artwork shopping?" I glance at the painting she had just looking at, and her eyes widen.

"Dick!"

I wince. I should have expected Bruce to react to that comment, but it's not like he's ever scolded me before for saying  _the truth_  to his meaningless flings, to villains, and to villains who  _should be_  meaningless flings. I turn to him to shrug off my comment, but his face is on default Batman-mode, and well, it's as pretty as trying to get the Joker to stop smiling.

But before he could lecture me about my good-boy manners, Selina interjects and laughs.

"Feisty. I think we're going to get along just fine, kid," she says, and she runs her hand through  _my hair_. My hair. My  _perfectly_  coifed hair! My Gothamite rich-kid hair that took me a long time to get ready between getting out of the zeta tubes and being seen in public. And she runs through it as if it's  _cat fur_.

Selina idly steps pass me and leans in towards Bruce—whoa, okay, is she  _eye-screwing_  with him in front of a thirteen year old  _boy_ —with her hand on his shoulder, her flirty eyes beneath her lashes, and her ill-attempt at hiding the suggestive smirk.

"Well I just can't  _wait_  to have dinner with you boys tonight. It sounds absolutely perfect."

Bruce and I share a look; well, I direct a look at him first and he just meets my eyes with that parental, demanding thing. And what went on in the air between us is like watching Clark trying not to use heat-ray vision on Conner and Conner trying to  _learn_ how to use heat-ray vision on Clark. It is not good.

I open my mouth to make up an excuse—I have to go tutor Barbara, I have to go save KF from Artemis's revenge, I have a world to save, I have…world domination plans to go through. I just need  _something_ , but before I could say anything, The Bat happens.

"I can't wait either, Selina, and I'm sure it'll be a great way for you guys to get to know each other. Isn't that right,  _Richard_?"

And he  _would_  use Richard, which means that even if there was a random war raging on between Earth and the peaceful nation of Themyscira or if talking gorillas decided to take down the League, I am  _not_  escaping.

Yep, I'm in a lock and key situation. And Richard is the lock.

Ugh. My life.

The next day, I concoct a plan based on what I had learned from Selina the night before during  _long_ , horrendous dinner where I had to sit through Bruce's and Selina's continuous flirting, Bruce's attempts to get her and I to connect, and Alfred's insistence I  _stay_  at the dinner table until everyone was done with their meals, which clearly didn't end until an hour later when Bruce and her decided to stop teasing each other long enough to look down at their dinner plates. She was playing secretary at the post-office just across the street from Wayne Industries, which I conclude, means both her and Bruce will be meeting by 5:00PM sharp when they both end work.

And I'm  _not_  sitting through that again, so I give Alfred a call, head straight to the mountain, and wait an hour before Wally comes back from school. It isn't until I heard the familiar machine voicing his arrival that I finally sit up from my position on the couches.

He quickly zips up next to me and sticks his head over my shoulders to look at my screen.  _Please_ , like he could understand anything on my computer, which of course, leads to him asking: "Dude, what are you doing?"

I smirk. "Plotting."

I could feel his grin hovering over me even as he tosses his backpack to the side. "To take over the world? Bro, are we finally going to act out Contingency Plan Two-Four-Oh?"

 

 

_Ah, Plan 240. That was a great plan._

…

 _A plan you kids should_ not _know about—don't tell your mother about it._

"Not yet, Wally. That comes later," I tell him, and quickly save my progress on the computer.

"Then what are you plotting?"

 

 

 _Kids, you know as well as I do that your Grandpa Bruce was really protective of me. And I mean_ really _overprotective – more than your dear old dad is of you guys. I mean, at least I give you guys some freedom right?_

 _I would never go so far as to try to break you and your dates up like your Grandpa Bruce did to me back in the day. I mean, that guy was crazy possessive. I would_ never _, ever do that. Ever._

 

 

"Trying to break up Batman and his girlfriend."

Wally lets out a loud and exasperated sigh. "Again? Rob, give it a rest. Let Daddy Bats have some fun for once."

I scowl. My fingers pressing onto the buttons I memorized while I turn to face him. "Just whose side are you on?"

Wally looks taken aback and he holds up both hands in the universal sign of defence –wimp. He crafts a playful grin which he had often used on Bruce to get on the Bat's good side before raiding our kitchen and Alfred's cupboards. "Yours man, always yours, but—"

"Good, now what do you think will scare her off?" I ask, placing a finger on my chin. "Rabid dogs in the house or a dinner plate full of mice?"

Wally's hands drop, and I could  _see_  goose bumps on his arm. "W-What?" He sounds like a cross between being flabbergasted and downright freaked out.

None of my plans to shoo off Bruce's previous dates have involved animals before. I don't think it helps considering that I'm trying to stifle  _the_  laugh that made my team cower at the sight of me, which they don't know I know. But honestly, don't they realize that I have the  _entire_  mountain on security footage? Not to mention that I  _hear_  things on the mind link?

Amateurs.

"Did I mention he's dating Catwoman?"

"Whoa, score. She's a total babe."

I glare at him and he sticks both hands up again.

"Your side, remember? Totally one hundred percent on your side."

Before I could say anything else, the mountain announces the test subject for my plans—I mean, Conner. With him being as indestructible as he is, rapid dogs should be a breeze. That is, unless he decided to domesticate them like he has the past dozen animals we've encountered on missions.

Like Wolf.

And Sphere (who technically isn't an animal, but maybe in some intergalactic nation, it is).

And those baby ducks I saw coming out of the bathroom the other day, but those might be Kaldur's. He has a soft spot for animals too.

"Supes!"

He grunts in response. Okay, gotta work on greetings with the big guy.

"M'gann's out with her school friends at the mall," Conner says, and drops himself on the couch in front of the TV. He runs his hand through his hair and is clearly exhausted from being at school all day. Man, he's got it bad. Kinda tough when you're a walking encyclopedia and Batman won't let you tell the teacher when he's wrong. I kind of feel that way in pre-calculus sometimes.

The clone turns to us with a look of confusion we've seen from him way too many times.

"Did you guys say you have a plan for taking over the world earlier?"

"Nope," Wally and I say simultaneously. We then proceed to change the topic.

Or, well, Wally does.

The next few hours is spent with Wally trying to convince Conner, then Artemis, Kaldur, and finally M'gann who all comes in later that day, that Batman does, in fact, have a life outside of the League and is, much to my utter distaste, dating someone that I don't approve of.

"Be home by dinner," Batman tells me through the screen when I evade another attempt at bringing me home to hang out with him and Selina, and I could see the quizzing looks on my teammates' faces. They are  _still_ almost all in disbelief that Batman  _ate_  meals, much less dates people and behaves like a total human. Yeah, well, too bad he does.

"Perhaps Robin, you are too quick to judge. I do not believe that Batman's affairs will affect the team's productivity."

"But look at him, Kal! He's smitten!"

"…Robin, he looked the same to us," M'gann adds.

I cross my arms and give a harrumph. "You just don't get it."

"I'm still trying to  _get_  the fact that Batman has an outside life.  _And_ that he  _dates_. I mean, who is this chick?" Artemis asks, but obviously I ignore the question.

Oh, I just can't wait until Arty and the rest of the gang—well, mostly Artemis—find out who Batman and Robin really are. She is going to  _flip_  tables.

The team eventually all disperse to do their own thing, to which I respond by finishing up with my  _RemoveTheCat_  plan on my gauntlet, until an hour later when I hear Kaldur's voice.

"Robin?"

"Busy."

"I see. Then we will leave you to your work. I hope our screaming will not affect your concentration too much."

I raise an eyebrow above my mask. "Screaming?"

"Yes, Wally suggested that he and I teach the rest of the team the purpose of Water-Tag."

I look up.

Kaldur smiles confidently.

My mouth drops open.

He nods.

"Water-Tag?!"

 

 

_Kids, Water-Tag is a game that was invented by yours truly and your Uncles Wally, Roy, and Kaldur when we were just starting out as superheroes. It originated from the fact that your Uncle Kaldur could control water at his will, my love for Hide-and-Go-Seek, Uncle Wally's impeccable ability to run from a situation, and your Uncle Roy's perfect aim._

_In fact, if you recall, it's the reason why we all landed in the Med-Bay two years ago and why your mother and all your aunts keep tabs on us every time we hang out._

 

 

"Of course, with Wally being quite…distracted by Artemis, it might not be as effective as the old days with Roy and us playing the game. But I am used to making adjustments. I assume losing this game after two years of being undefeated must come eventually."

 _And…_ that is the winning touch.

"Kal, wait," I say, holding a hand up to stop him.

"Yes, Robin?"

I smirk devilishly. "They won't know what hit 'em."

While I go to get ready in my swimming trunks—it was somewhere here…maybe I'd find it a lot faster if I actually spend the night here one day, which is plausible if Catwoman was planning on staying at the manor more often—Wally is with the team, needing a refresher on the rules. Either that or he wants to be by Artemis a bit more. Tsk, that poor, lovesick boy.

I change into my swimwear and snicker as I made my way to the beaches. Even if I'm not a Zatara, I could probably recite the rules backwards and forwards: water users can't use anything but a water gun (which the mountain definitely had an unlimited supply of for this sole reason), they had to hit the target  _in the face_ , and the targets could use any superpower or weapon they wanted to defend themselves. There are a few other rules, but…the newbies will figure that out eventually.

Best.

Game.

Ever.

Well, aside from Hide-and-Go-Seek, which I am  _still_  the king of.

"Your wrist computer doubles as a water gun?" Artemis's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, so?" I shrug. I could still see her raised eyebrow even though it's dark out, which makes things  _that_  more interesting. Of course, it has to be dark or else we wouldn't be allowed to shoot arrows or sick venom-instilled wolves at each other without pedestrians questioning us.

"Just what else do you have in there?"

"Not much. It's not like it's the utility belt."

" _What_ 's in that?"

I shrug again. Unlike her, I  _actually_  want to play the game and not waste the rest of the afternoon listing them my to-do list to get organised and cleaned this weekend.

I place my gear on the side of the mountain, though quickly grab through the third compartment of said belt. That is, until Kaldur clears his throat behind me.

"Uh, yeah, Kaldur?" I ask coolly.

"As I've told you in the past, we do  _not_  need such things in this game."

"But—"

"Robin…We are on the shore.  _That_ is shark repellent, and as much as I urge you to accept the fact that no shark will approach you in the sea, I insist that you do  _not_  need it in the game."

I grumble a response, and regrettably get up from my crouched position. I swear, one day he's going to  _thank_ me for what I have in my utility belt.

After a long bickering process, we decide to play experts versus newbies—let's just hope Conner doesn't destroy the mountain.

The game begins quickly, and after the first hour and a half, it leads to the three of us hiding behind the boulders to retaliate with our attack. And we would have started sooner if it wasn't for Kid Crush.

"Get it together, Wally. She's the enemy," I say while slapping his shoulder.

"But look at her! And she's wearing a red bikini.  _Red_! You know red is like, my all-time favourite colour."

"KF, think about it this way," I tell him, proud of myself for coming up with romance advice at a time like this. They don't call me a Ladies' Man for nothing. "If you gawk at her and act stupid, she'll only hate you more. You need to learn how to show off your skills. Treat her like an equal. Do you think Artemis will appreciate it if you go easy on her?"

He thinks for a moment before his shoulders fall. "…I guess you're right."

"Good, now get traught. Kaldur's alpha, I'm beta, and you're gamma."

"Wait, which plan is this?"

Kaldur suddenly shows up behind us with a water gun in each hand, both with five litre tanks attached and detachable water grenades that burst upon contact like a water balloon filled with awesome. The Bad-Ass. I remember that water gun. And it isn't even something Alfred could scold me for swearing because  _it's in the name._

I'm proud to say I thought of that name.

"I believe this is the Harper Defeat of 2009," Kaldur says with pride.

Wally and I look up in nostalgia. Ah, Roy never knew what hit him…repeatedly.

"Got it."

When the game resumes, I realize how much harder it was without Roy, due to there being another archer whose skill matches his, a Martian who not only could evade our attacks, but could fill our minds with distracting images,  _and_  a loud, aggressive clone who decides to fight us off with rocks. Big rocks.

But that's alright.

I mean, I always  _did_  excel when it came to challenges.

Wally on the other hand…not so much. At least, not with Artemis outsmarting his every move. Even with our foolproof plan that  _pummelled_  Roy to the ground last year (figuratively and literally), these three have the privilege of speaking through their mind link, and the fact that Artemis is in a bathing suit means Wally is distracted. Heavy on the dis.

"C'mon Wally…Get your head tog—"

Before I could finish the sentence, Wally tackles Artemis to the ground like a 210 pound rugby player, and ultimately ends the game, not to mention any possibility of her falling for him…figuratively.  _Literally_ , she kind of just did fall  _because_  of him. Ouch, and on those rocks too.

That's going to leave a nasty bruise.

And it's definitely going to hurt our eardrums.

 

"You  _idiot_! I have to wear this damn cast now because of you!" Artemis screeches at Wally from the Med-Bay. "How am I supposed to use my bow now?!"

I pity the guy, especially after seeing his crestfallen face upon leaving his One True Love's room.

"Sorry, bro. I'm sure you two will work it out," I tell him.

Wally is obviously too busy scolding himself, but the moment he looks back at the room where Artemis is being treated for her broken arm, his face grows serious.

And I know that face.

Something either seriously horrible or seriously awesome is going to happen.

"What is it, Wally?"

"I'm feeling down."

No,  _really_?

"And if you check your phone and realize that Daddy Bats has called you ten times in the past hour, I'm pretty sure you're down too."

Ah, fu—shoot. I had forgotten about him for a moment.

"So what do you think we should do?" I ask him, but I already know the answer.

"Initiate Contingincy Plan Two-Four-Oh?"

"You mean to take over the world?"

"Yes."

I pause and then look down at my phone, seeing the message from Bruce about Selina and breakfast tomorrow, and then back up at Wally.

"Operation Two-Four-Oh commences in T-minus-ten minutes"

"Wicked."

 

 

_Kids, we never really completed Contingency Plan 240, and no, I will never tell you what it is. You're too young to know and it's too dangerous. Anyway, the League caught your Uncle Wally and I a week later before anything got damaged and we were both grounded for a month. Thankfully, no one got hurt._

_That never stopped us though._

_Your Uncle Wally continued to leap and dance after Artemis, even after her arm broke because of him. He decorated her cast with colourful messages, and gave heartfelt apologies which she eventually cave to and accepted._

_And as for me?_

_That day was the start of my quest to thwart Selina Kyle away from your grandfather, and it certainly wasn't my last, but you know what?_

_She wasn't so bad after all, but we'll get to that later._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to you if you know where the Shark Repellent, Themyscira invasion, and talking gorilla references came from!


End file.
